Monster, How should i feel?
by Fight Itx
Summary: Having a heart is the most dangerous thing to have. Being a death eater means having a heart puts the one person you love in constant danger- How would you deal with finding out you have one? what would you do?


It was supposed to be simple.  
>They weren't supposed to know, Candace was supposed to act like a sister- not a puppet. She scoffed; of course she would cave into Coral's pathetic idea of a daughter. Coral's ideal daughter, her ideal offspring was someone that could be controlled. Someone that could be molded into someone she really wasn't, someone who could be easily brain washed. Ariana refused to associate herself with those types of people. People like Coral, trying so desperately to mold fresh minds into something they were never supposed to be, and Candace, the ones who let people like Coral get away with it. It disgusted her to the core that her own Mother and Sister were those types of people. Ariana, Ariana was different. She was her own person, she made her own beat and she made her own march and she did it with pride.<p>

But Candace's job... Candace's job was simple.  
>All Candace had to do, was be a sister.<br>For years, ever since they were younger, Ariana had tried to save Candace from that monster that they call a Mother. She tried to have hope that her sister, her only sister, wasn't turning into a trophy for her mother to place on the dusty shelf where Ariana was supposed to be. But tonight confirmed that all her years have been wasted on her sister. She was through hoping. Candace was given one job- Be a good sister. And after finding a small bag of white powder in Ariana's burrow, (nosey little bitch,) she ran past Ariana and straight to her mother. There had been an all out brawl between Ariana and Candace. It didn't turn out well, and the cut over Ariana's brow and opposing cheek was nothing to her mother's limp and bleeding torso. Ariana had stalked out after that, hearing the door to her Father's study slam and his heavy foot steps marching towards the commotion. That was never a good sign- Mr. Lorimer barely ever left his study for any reason, and for him to leave, and make it apparent that he did so, meant he was furious. Without looking back Ariana stormed out of the house, tossing the earn that held her mother's favorite house elf's ashes to the floor on the way.

It wasn't that Ariana was ashamed of what Candace found. In fact, when she saw Candace run out of the room with it in her hand she rolled her eyes, crossed her arms over her chest, and leaned against her door frame waiting for her mother's shriek. She wasn't ashamed of the drug because Ariana was rarely ever ashamed of anything she had ever done. (besides having a crush on Kieran back in third year. But we all make mistakes.) It was how Candace had acted. Of course it was wrong. She never said it wasn't, but When did something being wrong ever stop Ariana? But for Candace to instinctively run to Coral and shove it in her face, that wasn't even being a sister. She hadn't told her mother about precious little Dacey making pathetic oogly eyes to a mudblood all year, had she? So it was enough- she was done. Fuck them.

She didn't know where she was walking to. She didn't really care, really. Nothing was really on her mind, she was just trying to clear the red in her vision. The breeze sweeping over her corseted skin helped calm her slightly, but there was still a long way to go. Ariana Lorimer was a little girl, always petite in size, but she was a force to be reckoned with when set off the right way. With a sigh she stopped where she was and turned to her right, her arms still crossed over her chest. It wasn't surprising where she was, really. It was a home she had been at many a times with Christopher when she was just a girl, still forced into her frilly, lacy, fragile dresses of every Easter egg color. Then, after her fourth year of Hogwarts, it was a place she would come and look at when she was having a night like tonight. Sometimes she would sift through it, the charred remains of countless leather bound books and antique furniture, beautiful in its heyday. She seemed to fit into its mold nicely. Ruined. Something someone didn't like to see, something someone wanted to put in their past... something someone wanted to forget. She wished she had the courage to do it. To destroy everything she had ever wanted to leave behind and forget. It wasn't until her sixth year at Hogwarts that she found out who that someone was, and she couldn't help but admire that person for it.

A sudden jolt awoke her from her day dream, feeling her left arm start to burn in the familiar pattern. She ran her hand over it, her eyes stuck on the ruin across from her. Her eyes scanned the familiar structure and sighed, feeling the burning deepen slightly. Then, without any hesitation, she apparated in a black mist, zipping away from the former Archer Manor.

She landed with a soft swish, her arms still planted firmly across her chest as she looked around the room they were in- Rosier Manor.

"Lena." came the soft, deep, but familiar voice. Ariana couldn't help but smirk at the nick name.  
>"Christopher." She said with quiet amusement, watching him step out of the shadows. Classic Christopher style, he always liked to play the creep. She smirked and rolled her eyes at the though, walking to him, meeting him half way with a hug. It had been months since she had last spoken to Christopher. He was sent on a mission and he couldn't make any contact back home, which meant he couldn't write to her. Though she knew the burning meant they were called to him, she never expected he would be there, as he has been excused all the other times before now. She was happy to have Christopher back and for him to be hugging her. As heartless as Ariana let herself become, she always needed her Christopher.<p>

"Hows Teag?" she asked with a smirk, nudging her best friend's arm as they walked down the corridor. His smirk only lasted long enough to Ariana to catch it before it was completely wiped off his face. Christopher couldn't help himself sometimes when it came to talking about Teagan, but he kept himself in control generally, never letting anyone see how much Teagan really meant to him. And for good reason.

"Shes well. I haven't seen her yet, but Slughorn asked Kieran and i to come back to his office to discuss something afterwards, so i think I'll stop by then. Shes staying there this holiday, yeah?" Christopher turned to look at Ariana, and she frowned slightly. As glad as she was that Christopher was happy with someone, let alone Teagan, she didn't like to see him vulnerable. And that's exactly what Teagan made him- vulnerable. She nodded hesitantly.  
>"She is. I told her i was staying and told her i was running to the kitchens, and that i would be right back. That's when i caught the train home. By the time her ADD kicked in and she went to search for me it was too late and the train had gone. Stuck there until i come back." Ariana laughed lightly at her own joke. Before he left Christopher made Ariana promise she would make Teagan stay during Christmas, and always the one that likes to avoid any force with her friends, Ariana had straight up lied to keep Teagan there. Of course she would have to deal with an angry Teagan when she came back, but hey- it worked.<p>

A hand snaking around her waist in the dark corridor caused her to roll her eyes and swipe the hand away.  
>"Fuck off, Archer." she muttered through gritted teeth.<br>"Now now, Ana, that's no way to welcome a man home." came the deep, sultry voice of one Kieran Archer. It had been months since she had heard from or seen Kieran, too, and as much as she wanted to hug Kieran and welcome him home, his smug face and disgustingly irresistible smirk made her change her mind.  
>"Right. When you see one, let me know so i can." she heard Kieran chuckle lightly from behind her and lean forward, causing the hair at the back of her neck stand up.<br>"I just did." Came the same deep voice, only this time it was low in her ear, causing her to shudder slightly. He caught it, and she knew he had, but she remained composed for the most part.

"If you value your voice, Kieran, kindly take three steps to your left and park yourself on the left side of Christopher here." She looked over her shoulder and eyed him, narrowing her eyes at the smirk he had just given her. He would do no such thing.

She followed Christopher's example and nodded towards the man at the front of the table, taking a seat next to her best friend. She wasn't nervous, that wasn't the problem. But this was only the fourth time Ariana had been to a death eater meeting, and she didn't want to mess up- not even once.

She sat down and snuck glances at the other death eaters. They all wore the same, stoic faces that Ariana mastered at such a young age. Then her eyes were caught by a pair she knew well. They were deep, dark chocolate brown. They were always emotionless, never letting anything seep out from any corners. They belonged to Octavian Thrasher, and Ariana felt her heart pump against her rib cage. She couldn't look away. Partly because she was stubborn- Octavian refused to look away from her own eyes and she wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of her backing down from him. And, partly because she didn't want to. It had been so long since she had been able to look into those eyes and she craved them. In an instant she was dragged into every feeling she had ever had for Octavian, but that's all it lasted. There came a soft growl from her right that she knew was Kieran. He never liked Octavian, for a reason Ariana never cared enough to find out.  
>"His left hand looks a little heavy." It was almost barely a whisper, but Ariana was used to Kieran's ever-quiet whispers for solitary hearing, and in turn caught it on point. Her eyes darted to his left hand, where a gold band rested on his finger. Her eyes narrowed at it, then, darting up to Octavian's quickly, she turned and focused her attention on the dark lord, who was looking around bored.<br>"There isn't enough." he stated bluntly.

"Sir?" Kieran spoke up, being the Dark Lord's Favorite.  
>"There isn't enough, Mr. Archer." he paused another moment and looked around the room once more.<br>"I want an Army. Something that can strike fear into hearts just by sight." Some people nodded, i tried my best not to look back at Octavian. There was a pause a minute longer where no one spoke, but by one glance you could see his mind at work. The Dark Lord, My Lord, Our Lord, he looked brilliant. He still looked like the professor i knew and missed. But here he sat, in front of us, and you can tell he was thinking. His mind was going a thousand miles a minute and i smirked- he knew what he was doing.  
>"In Russia, the outskirts of Moscow, there is a clan." he finally blurted out.<br>"They're Dangerous. Ruthless, Cold, Terrifying... Perfect... I will pick three of you. " His dark eyes scanned over the faces of everyone that sat around him.  
>"Rosier. You did well with the last mission i sent you on... Mr. Archer." Almost as soon as he said it Kieran stood, holding his hands down in front of him like he was standing before a judge.<br>"My Lord?" Came his deep voice and Ariana, being the person she was, took the opportunity of Kieran being distracted to sneek a peak over at Octavian once more.

"You have yet to steer me wrong, who do you believe to be ready for this mission?" It didn't take him long to think of who he wanted to go, because only a second after he was asked the question he blurted out the answer.

"Octavian Thrasher, My Lord." Ariana closed her eyes, hiding her wince when he said his name. Of course. Of course he would. Kieran always hated Octavian, for whatever reason, and she was tired of it. Why did he always have to ruin everything for her? Grinding her teeth she spoke up, her head faced at her lap, eyes closed, she spoke slowly, but loudly. Demanding, almost.  
>"If i may, Sir." The Dark Lord's eyes darted over to Ariana from Octavian, who he had just approved of going.<p>

"Yes, Ms. Lorimer?" She could almost hear his smirk. It was the same smirk he would get when calling on any of the students that were heading towards his path while he was a professor at school.  
>"If i may, My Lord..." She took a breath and looked up, standing up next to Kieran, looking almost like a child in height comparison.<br>"I would like to volunteer myself for this mission." She could Feel three pairs of eyes on her now, but she didnt take her's off of The Dark Lord's. She would deal with Christopher later, Kieran she could just stun, and Octavian would be avoided at all costs.

The Dark Lord's head tilted in amusement at her, but Ariana's face held strong.

"Ms. Lorimer, How thoughtful of you..." keeping his eyes on Ariana he spoke after a small pause. "Mr. Archer i assigned you to Ms. Lorimer, Is she ready?"

There was no hesitation at all from him. He sure as hell was sure of himself today.  
>"No, My Lord, She isn't." Ariana couldn't help herself, she narrowed her eyes and leaned forward on the table towards Her Lord.<p>

"My Liege, i wish to prove myself. I've done more already then half of these bozo's at your table and i am still walking the Hogwarts Halls." She gritted her teeth at the next part but spit it out proudly. "Mr. Archer has trained me well enough that i am ready. Send me out." She kept her leaning stance, her eyes locked on his, her face perfected stoic as he studied her.

"Ms. Lorimer you will be getting a leave from school because your uncle is very, very sick, and you must leave the country. Kieran, make it happen." He nodded and stood up, meaning the meeting was over.  
>"My Lord!" Ariana's smirk removed itself quickly as Kieran spoke behind her.<br>"With all do respect sir i still feel Lorimer isn't completely ready, but she is close. I ask for Thrasher to stay behind and i go in his place. Lorimer is my project-" project? "And i wish to see this out and make sure she is properly trained well in all Areas." The dark lord glanced at him for a few moments and sighed, sounding a little annoyed now.  
>"Mr. Thrasher stays behind. In the future, Kieran, I ask you to make sure your... projects... are properly trained. I wont allow you to babysit them all." and with that he was gone, in a massive black mist he vanished. Ariana stalked out of the room, pushing past people and down the hallway, her high heels clinking to the stone as she walked.<br>"Lena!" She didn't stop, even for Christopher. but he caught up to her quickly.  
>"Lena, Ari stop." he grabbed her shoulders and looked at her.<br>"You're going to be great, okay? Kieran wil-"

"Ugh! Don't even say his bloody name around me!" she stomped off again, just wanting to get away.

"Ariana!"

"I'll Write!" she called over her shoulder, vanishing in a mist of black.

She landed in Diagon Ally,and she took off walking again, the crisp cold air reminding her not to wear a corset in winter. It was no surprise when a pair of strong hands came out of no where and pulled her into the shadows. She didn't even flinch and just let them take her- she knew he would find her here.

"What happened?" was the first thing that came out of his mouth.  
>"I'm not sure what happened to you, ask your mothe-oh, wait..." she replied sarcastically. She should have learned by now what happens when she sets his anger off the right way. He growled and took a few steps toward her, pushing her back to the opposing wall. His hand met her neck and he pinned her to the wall, she rolled her eyes as he did so.<p>

"Watch it, Lorimer." he growled into her ear. She pried her hands under his and ripped his hand away from her throat.  
>"What the hell is wrong with you? Why don't you believe me? I'm Ready, Kieran, Fuck off if you don't think so."<p>

"Your Face, What happened?" she looked at him confused, and scrunched up her face. ah, there it was. The cut above her eyebrow and on her cheek.

"Its nothing." she waved it off and he stared at her, no emotion on his face for a few long moments.  
>"I got in a fight with Coral, alright? Jesus..."<p>

"What kind of fight?" his facial expression didn't move at all.

"One where i won. Shes limping and her torso is bleeding. What does this have to do with anything?"

"You're hurt. You shouldn't have even volunteered. What are you? On a death wish? Vampires would eat you alive." She narrowed her eyes at him.

"I can take care of myself, Kier." She said it slowly, hoping he would get the point the first time and she wouldn't have to repeat it again. He shook his head and crossed his own arms in front of him.

"You think you're strong Ari. But I know the truth. I'll let the Dark Lord know you should not go on this little adventure." Ariana wasn't worried about it. The Dark Lord already said she was going, and he didn't like to keep changing his answer. He was starting a revolution, not a high school. Then Octavian's face flashed in her mind and she snapped, remembering why she was so angry in the first place. Without thinking her arm reached forward and she slapped him.

"Who the bloody hell do you think you are, putting Octavian up like that? Im not an idiot, i know you did it to keep him away from me! Why do you hate that he makes me happy?"

"He doesn't, That's my problem!"  
>She stopped cold, not exactly sure how to react to his statement. His face fell slightly- only slightly, but enough for Ariana to catch it. He kept his eyes on her in an almost desperate attempt to keep his reputation in tact. He spoke before she got a chance to come up with something, before she came up with a question- and he knew she would, she always did.<br>"you have more Training to do, and we're running out of time." He turned, walking out of the ally they were in, and he didnt look back.

Looking back now, Ariana would realize that walking away and not looking back was Kieran's way of dealing with things. It was just easier for him not to look back, because if he looked back, that meant he had a heart, and that was the scariest thing for him to realize. Especially if he had a heart for Ariana Lorimer.


End file.
